Sometimes I feel like we've built a world where everyone is telling everyone else what they want to hear. From the political correctness we so desperately hang onto, to the concept that the customer is always right. I want to tell you that the customer is almost always wrong. OK, before your heart jumps out of your chest from dismay – hear me out a little further. There is definitely a right way to treat people; whether they are family, friends, clients or even enemies. However, I think we cross a very dangerous line when everything that comes out of our mouth is exactly what the other person wants to hear.
I think of shows like Hell’s Kitchen or Kitchen Nightmares, both by the very friendly and always cordial Gordon Ramsey – ya right – and wonder how he gets away with being such a great guy all the time. The fact is, when he walks away from one of those business owners they absolutely love him. And, he shows a great deal of compassion for many of them. Now, I know that TV – even reality TV – isn’t necessarily real. And, we as business people could never – and should never – get away with the verbal beating he gives out on his shows. But there is something to be said about a person that is willing to tell it like it is.
I started thinking about all my past bosses or clients and the ones that I had the best relationships with. I remember one boss back when I was selling trees for a living (long time ago in a land far-far away; Florida). One day not long after I started he brought me into his office and started getting upset about a deal that went down. Imagine being a fresh-faced young man getting reamed by an Irish accent standing behind a large wooden desk – the kind that looks like they cut a tree in half and polished it. After several minutes of being berated by his words – some of them harsh – I realized that this was either going to end by me apologizing or arguing with my boss. Having noticed how he treated the other sales people in the office – not bad; just not with great respect – and how they interacted with him: I decided to give him an argument. After forty-five minutes of going back and forth he conceded to a few of my points and I conceded to a few of his.
Had we not had that confrontation there would have been no opportunity for compromise. Don’t get me wrong, while it did get heated at times I always talked to him with respect and any emotion of argument was not in that I had to be right; it was that I wanted to do a great job for this company and my customers. After working there for several years my family moved to a location that did not allow me to continue with the company. I remember him pulling me into his office on my final day to let me know that he held me in very high respect and that I was a great asset to him and the company. This, after several years of heated debates – which I later learned he very much loved.
If you’re going to tell people things they don’t want to hear there are a few very important things to remember . . .
One: Love thy customer; I can’t stress enough how important this is to a successful relationship that involves confrontation. If you don’t truly care about your customer they will sense it and every confrontation you have with them will translate as either you having to be right or getting your way somehow. The point of confrontation is to help them reach the full potential you know they have. When you truly care about your customer – talking to them and treating them with respect also comes more naturally.
Two: Know your audience; you need a clear understanding of how they see the world and how they want the world to interact with them. If they don’t like confrontation it doesn’t mean you don’t confront. It simply means you take it a little slower and find ways to confront that will allow them to hear you.
Three: Pick your battles; you’re not always right and you can always learn from your customers. Additionally, there are some bad habits or areas of disagreement with your customer that are not detrimental to what you’re trying to achieve together. You don’t want to spend a lifetime picking on the little stuff – it just won’t serve you.
Any time I take on a new client I first spend time getting to know them and asking a ton of questions. I don’t judge what they or the business is doing and I don’t pretend to understand why they do things the way they do. Honestly, I normally take a good month or so of just asking questions and listening to my customer before I start offering any kind of advice. Doing this allows me to really understand who they are and where they’re coming from. It also gives me time to build that very important relationship of trust and mutual respect.
Only after we have built that foundation will I start telling them things they don’t want to hear. My favorite clients are the ones that tell me they really didn’t want to hear what I was telling them but that hearing it was what helped them go from ok to great. Keep in mind the purpose of compromise through confrontation – it is to build a win-win situation.
Until next time, focus on what you know and keep doing a better job of what you love to do.
PS: I would love to hear your stories of effective confrontation and how you reached amazing compromises that resulted in win-win situations for you and your customers.
NOTE: I want to thank Seth Godin for his short and yet very inspirational blog post today: http://bit.ly/k51wYQ
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